Sometimes all you need to remember is when Jhene Aiko sang in Eternal Sunshine “all of the good things, only the good, good, good”.
Sometimes, you need to know that all you need is patience and self-control. All you need to do is to create your own peace of mind by following these 3 steps. Pause, Meditate, and think of the good things.
For a while, I’ve been doing a mini mind search on emotion-control. I didn’t want to go through the usual process of going through established online facts, theories and mind control books. I wanted to experience it for myself. I wanted to be able to manage and control my self in situations that seemed challenging.
Emotion-control without using big grammar (which I don’t even know) to explain it , according to my deduction is when you are able to control your actions when in extreme emotional circumstances such as anger, happiness, frustration or near-frustration, almost depression (can’t say depression, because that needs more than mind-control).
Of recent, I found out that am not easily overwhelmed. I think I’ve always been that tough girl but now it’s even worse. Lol. No, I don’t think that entirely a good thing.
We find out that we make the decisions which have the most effect on us are when we are in any of the moods mentioned above. These are the moments we make promises, vows, oaths, and by so doing we choose our paths. Using myself as a case study in the past I have probably come to certain conclusions about some people because I have been angry at them. I found out that I couldn’t keep up with them. The decisons I made I mean. For instance, when I was younger and would have fights with my elder sister, normally afterwards we would say things like “I hate you, I will never do anything for you again…” and the rest. I know I’m always the annoying one who usually has the last laugh which of course provokes more anger from my sister. You people will say am stone cold. Lol. Nah, I’m annoying abeg.
With time, I started realizing that I’m usually the one less affected after I’ve had a fight with anyone. And I dicovered why. I had had nights or moments of silence when I had cried out my eyes, as a result of hurtful words said to me. I think I used to be more affected by words, than beating. I would cry normally because its painful, but the correction I got from beating didn’t have as much impact as the words you say. I would be smiling while you were saying those words, but I would go into the bathroom and cry out my eye balls, I would wake up halfway into the night and soak my pillow with tears birthed from a pained heart. With time, I became immune. Very immune. The usual talks I received when I was younger were “you’re too thin, eat!” or you’re very wicked”. I would reply with words like “at least I’m tall or let it be, I know I’m wicked now”.
I now know why I became immune or resistant to any form of “yabbing“.
1. First of all, I accepted my flaws. Growing up, I know I was very thin, which was very obvious. So I realised that it wasn’t going to change, it was my nature. I’m like the biggest eater in my house, but hey I was still so thin. I wasn’t going to kill myself. Again. I knew I wasn’t wicked, I just knew I could really do some cruel things and not flench (omg!!!! I think am wicked), usually for revenge. So when I realized these two things. It meant nothing to me. We are all humans, some people make some comments not knowing they are hurtful, very insensitive. But that’s why I filter, I reinfiltrate, I take the parts I want to hear. I yab myself. I’ve accepted these things about me, so no one can ever use it against me. So this was the first step to controlling my mind.
2. I black out whenever I sense that I’m about to be annoyed, which might result I anger. Whenever someone angry just keeps shouting and insulting me for instance, I go into auto-mute. I imagine the world is silent, and all I see is someone’s mouth moving in awkward contours, and making funny gesticulations and movements. Forgive me but whenever people are fighting I just start laughing because it looks like a mime to me, only a little less entertaining.
Sometimes I imagine that what if a video of me was being made while I’m fighting or ranting and insulting someone unnecessarily. How stupid I would look?. Lol. The auto-mute thing always works.
3. Take a freaking deep breath!!!!!!
Breath in and imagine it never happened. Imagine he/she never said those words. Imagine that the world was quiet. And by doing this, you’re proving that you know better. Don’t make promises now, because you got that credit alert you’ve been expecting. Don’t make vows because you’re going through a tough time now and you feel no one is there to help you. Let that even make you stronger. Don’t say words that would sting a heart because you want a revenge. You might open up an injury that might never heal. Don’t always live in the moment and make decisions that would poke your conscience forever. Even in love, pause before you act. Don’t lose yourself trying to prove yourself.
The only rational and authentic way to take a decision is when you’ve had a moment of silence to think. To reflect, on the life beyond those walls, that fantasy. Things don’t work out sometimes not because it wasn’t right, but because it couldn’t exist beyond the beautiful hedge of fantasy. It couldn’t survive in the real world. It wasn’t realistic. So don’t take hasty decisions without a moment of thought because you feel pressurized to.
Here are a few things to consider when taking a decision:
1. Is it feasible?
2. Can it exist beyond these walls, fantasies might not exist, but can I turn this dream and fantasy into reality?
3. Does it make me happy?
Sometimes, your happiness shouldn’t be the first thing to consider when taking a tough decision. Don’t let your sentiments cloud your judgement.
4. Finally, remember all of the good things. Is it worth it? Is my anger worth it? How can I let a few minutes of extreme emotion (excited & extremely angry and sad) ruin something build over mutual struggles, hurdles crossed, ropes jumped, and moutains climbed.
In one of my little notebooks: I wrote down the following deductions concerning the relationship between a perfect man and mind control.
1. A perfect man is one who is able to control his pleasurable desires when in isolation or state of boredom.
2. A perfect man is he who is able to bridle the tongue. One who is in control of his words.
Beside it I have my sticky note which reads: “For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body” James 3:2. Even the bible says it. Lol. Forgive me not if I talk about God and the bible a lot, I can’t help it, I’m a Christian.
So when next someone tries to test you, to find out how mad you can be. Just tell them “So in your mind now we’ll fight, then after fighting we’ll eventually apologize to one another and drag our torn-clothed selves and sand-plastered bodies home, looking homeless”. Lol. I don’t know if this would work for you, but this is so me.
Just smile, because Jesus loves you, smile because you know more. Smile and walk away because you are better. So accept your flaws, wear it like a crown, auto-mute, take a deep breath and meditate on the good things. If you think the good times are not enough, or you feel like it bruised your ego and therefore you can’t stand it, then move on. Don’t move on over angry words said, move on because you feel it’s the right thing to do.
Meanwhile, I’m so sorry I haven’t done the Book Review on The African Child by Camara Laye, I’ve been trying to relax to read the book to enable me analyse it properly. I’ll do that in my next post, I promise!. Ooppss…I’m too excited now, don’t take my promise to heart. Haha.
Sorry, I couldn’t get a link to download Eternal Sunshine by Jhene Aiko, just download it and enjoy. Her voice is as warm as the waves of an ocean, and as sweet as a bird. Enjoy. I love you all. Please like, follow, comment, and the usual. Three years on Sunday. Yay!!!!!!!!