I realised that the new year, new start, new me meant nothing when I listened to your many complaints about the pressure put on your by people to do the right thing almost every new year day.
I stopped expecting anything new in behavior, character, and attitude and mostly importantly the way I was being treated just because it was a new year. I started to understand that the calendar made no difference if you were still going to remain the same, and keep us the same. No, point of correction there was no us, or at least technically. I saw myself managing and accepting what I was given; which was mediocre. I saw myself being let down so much it felt normal. I saw myself missing out on what I should be doing as a result of expectations.
All that time, I secretly prayed that you would experience some sort of epiphany or revelation and would come, pleading. Maybe not pleading per say, but at least some sort of truth to your promise, honesty to your words. I listened to those same words of hopes and expectations so much that it became cliché. Ordinary.
It became nothing.
It did not make any sense to me then, but now that I think of it…I am glad that I never crumbled and collapsed as a result of my failed expectation of you.