Posted in Crushes Gone Wrong, Love & Romance

Never Again, Satan!

I stare at you when you’re not looking.

I crushed on 2 different guys for 3 years each. Let’s say that was how I spent my 6 years in secondary school. I was equally faithful to each of them, and my crush time abi period for each of them never clashed. Equal love. I gave them both my all.

This time, I’m going to write about the time I decided to never crush on anyone ever again, as they are a waste of time and space. Chukwu ekwela ihe ojoo.

We met at one of the programs organised by the Children’s Parliament back when I was in junior secondary. Sorry, we never actually met. But we kept stealing glances at each other though. And in my head, wow. This is love. The first time I heard him speak briefly during one of our preparatory sections, I almost died. With his perfect dentition, he kept smiling with so much confidence as he introduced himself. Did I mention he looked like a snack in one killer suit. This was around 2009 where oversized suits were like the new cool, but this guy fam – he looked straight from a Forbes Magazine. Then when he smiled, I actually felt my head melt into molecules of affection. He had and still has the perfect dentition, even though I don’t care for him now but I can’t lie about this one. Perfect for a toothpaste advert, White, Equal, Well arranged, with pink lips to top it all. So Angels are on earth like this?

We never got to talk though, as I sensed that he was shy. And whenever our eyes met, he was always smiling. Me too I was shy, so we cannot kill ourselves. My Honourable confidence no reach that side. This event lasted for about 3 to 4 days in Abuja, so we were lodged in a hotel. Agura Hotel, if I’m correct. Usually, the night of the main event, we do a small party/get together amongst ourselves to say our goodbyes and to unwind.


The party was set, lights, Party jams, some drinks. The song in trend that year was Port-Harcourt Boy by Duncan Mighty, even till now whenever I listen to the song I remember him. Our eyes were still having conversations but we still didn’t talk. There was this very hot babe from the North, won’t mention her name but she was like the prettiest girl then. Those who know, know. She was so beautiful and like perfect, smart and all of that. On top, she could now dance. I die. She started dancing, and got everyone to loosen up and people started dancing. Next thing, he stood up and started dancing with her. My heart broke. Guy, they looked perfect. It was my first time at the National parliament and most of them already knew themselves and there was this cycle of cool kids, of which I was of course not among. I was very shy at first, but then I was like me too I can dance so I stood up and started dancing. Let’s call him K. That’s the first letter of his name though. K and I were still stealing glances, but he didn’t dance with me. Few minutes later, he left. All my effort, in vain. Only for me to spot one ‘not-fresh little boy’ who was nothing close to the LOML trying to rock me or what? I was so disgusted like what the hell mahn? ‘Gedifok out, my crush has gone’ all in my head.


With a broken heart, I travelled back to Owerri and resumed school. My life was no longer the same. I was seeing him in all my dreams. Our family together. In my head I was like if only he finally talked to me and maybe he now had mouth odour or his English was tacky, I wouldn’t be having these sleepless nights. But he just had to be perfect. Perfect height, perfect body structure, perfect smile, smart, stylish and could now party on top. Kuku kill me. As in not even one thing is lacking, he couln’t even wear My money grows like grass shirt like his mates ehn.

My money grows like grass shirt
This shirt was in trend that year.

I had no phone then, so I couldn’t even search for him on Facebook. Whom was I kidding, I didn’t even know his name. I was with my thoughts on Facebook with my mum’s phone when I saw a new friend request…opened it and guess who??? I died. I exploded. I went to heaven. Came back. Went again then returned. I was like so he had to find out my name too? Awww…we are meant to be together. So I accepted and proceeded to stalk him.

I stalked him for close to 4 years.


Hello. Welcome to my blog. This is where I let out my anger and frustration in other not to become a nuisance to the world. So let’s say it’s a win-win. Now, we can all hold hands and sing 'kumbaya'. Thanks for visiting, and I really hope you enjoyed it. Well, it’s not like you really have much of a choice hey. Love xx.

14 thoughts on “Never Again, Satan!

  1. Hahahaha.
    Oh no!!
    Why the fullstop?
    Crush us more with your crush story.

    Now this is me crushing for this crush story as old as I am.

    A beautiful piece from you Ugonna.
    You sure know you have a crushed-fan in me, huh.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Remincing of my crush stint back in school. An amazing story. I also had one of those lovely shirts during it’s reign. You even find many in recent times. Wonder the memories it would create for the people that own one now.

    Keep writing more of these stories that strike sweet nostalgic feelings.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Like so many other people, there are a lot of songs that being that memories; good and bad. I will do what I can to encourage storytelling. Thank you so much Gerard for visiting and engaging.


  3. Amazing. Though how hurting it is to crush on someone you might never have a chance with😔. But then, just remind yourself that its just a crush and you’ll feel so much better😊 or not😭.

    Liked by 1 person

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